Still on Guard · Day 4 of 7

When Protection Becomes a Wall

I had to get very honest about how survival shaped the way I connect. In simple terms:

I don't move first.
I wait to see who's safe.
If you don't invite me, I will not push.
If you don't want me, I will gladly remove myself.

On the surface, that sounds like confidence. I know my worth. I won't stay where I'm not wanted.

But underneath it there was something else: I'm afraid of pushing in and being hurt. So I'll make a rule. I'll never ask. I'll never pursue.

That is a mix of self-protection and quietly wounded worth. I was trying not to repeat being the boy waiting in the chair all day. And how did I do that? By becoming the man who never waits in the chair at all.

If you learned to move away quickly from any space where you felt unwanted, that may protect you from some pain. But it will also keep you from certain kinds of healing and deeper connection God wants to give you.

Survival taught me to guard my heart by shutting it down. But God's Word talks about guarding your heart without closing it off to love, community, and honest relationship.

Learning to trust does not mean ignoring wisdom, abandoning boundaries, or giving unsafe people unlimited access to your life. It means letting God heal the fear that says no one is safe and I have to carry everything alone.

Scripture

"Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life."Proverbs 4:23 (NKJV)

Keeping your heart is not the same as locking it.

Sit With This

What am I still protecting myself from, and what is that protection costing me?

One Small Step

Think of one safe person you've been waiting on to reach out first. Reach out first. A text is enough.

---

Go deeper: Listen to Built, Not Broken, Episode 3, "When Truth Starts Changing Your Patterns".

Next: the hardest part of my story to tell, and why I tell it anyway.